Do you change jobs often? Friends don’t seem to stay long? Never really happy where you are or doing what you do?

Welcome to life drifting – aimlessly rolling through work, life and relationships without any real sense of where you belong or how to live a life that really matters.

My coaching world connects with so many life drifters. Here are the most common causes of drifter behavior I see (do you see you in these?):

1. The “loud and overbearing” family – families that insist on telling how, what and where to live – life is according to their terms, not yours.

2. The “social trenders” – those who live based on the latest trends, fashions, view points and influences – whether they like them or not. Fitting in mattrers more than developing your own identity – whatever that might be.

3. The “no-clue-what-to-do” types – options paralyze them. With out a strong self-concept, they don’t know how to assess what are good and not good options – so they just go with the flow – with the loudest voices or the easiest roads.

4. The “tell-me-what-to-do” types – those who abdicate any personal responsibility for owning their decisions about the things that really matter. Their lives look like a copy of someone else’s life.

5. The “uncourageous” – those who know what they want but are afraid to go after it – they miss out because they hide.

I spent much of my life in the “uncourageous” and the “social trenders” modes – ready to fit in instead of accepting my own personal “stand out,” and lacking the courage to trust myself and live my life, my way. A couple of very tough life events got my attention and made me realize that I was drifting – living someone else’s life – missing the important moments – missing out on what really mattered to me. I was living in a way to be sure others were happy with me, instead of me being happy.

I know I don’t get today, or even this moment, back – once it is gone, it’s gone. So anytime any of us drift out of who we are, what we are called to do, be or contribute, we waste some of the greatest gift we receive – the ability to invent our lives our way and to bring our best to our world. And though we each get this gift, we still have to claim it. We have to choose it. We have to own it.

So to get out of drifter mode you first start by getting connected to the real you - to your unique talents, passions, strengths and interests. Notice what you are good at, interested in and inspired to do. Notice what matters to you. See how you are different. Appreciate it. Develop it.

I was the third of 6 kids; none of us has the same combination of talents, strengths, passions or interests. We are all different. How my siblings live their lives has no bearing on how I live mine. Doing what others do without fully understanding whether it works for you is a sure way to end up on someone else’s road in life. And the more you travel down someone else’s road, the farther you get from your own road. Discovering this is critical to ending drifting.

Connect or reconnect to what makes you different, distinct and unique. What are you great at? What are you passionate about? What is a great job, hobby, activity or life for you? Trust your own voice – it knows the real you. Stand up to those who are let you or force you to drift.

So, are you or someone you know not sure what to be, what to study, what job to do, what career move to make? Not sure where to live, who to marry or love, or how to spend your free time? Consider getting The Greatness Zone to get you started on knowing yourself, knowing your world so you can find your fit. Please share this with a drifter…

Life doesn’t wait for you to show up. It presumes every day is going as you want it to go. So if it isn’t, it is up to you to change it. Get on your right road and end the drifting.

I am in a relationship unlike any other – ever (lucky me). We are different – in the way we support, care for, respect and love each other. We fit. We go together. So to say, “I love you” isn’t large enough for all that we are to each other. It needs something more – something different and something more personal.

So I thought I would bring back one of my most popular posts as we celebrate Valentine’s Day – to share ways to explain how much our favorite people mean to us.

I borrowed the first couple of lines from a plaque I saw in the Signals catalog, then was inspired to create my own. My favorites are at the end – and my most favorite 2 are highlighted.

Share these or invent your own. It’s not about what you buy – it’s about how you tell them what they mean to you. 

You are the cheese to my macaroni.

You are the horizon to my sky.

You are the bacon to my eggs.

You are the jelly to my peanut butter.

You are the smile to my face.

You are the gravy to my mashed potatoes.

You are marshmallow to my hot chocolate.

You are the icing on my cupcake.

You are the salt to my pepper.

You are the mustard to my pastrami.

You are the toner to my printer.

You are the caramel drizzle to my macchiato.

You are star to my Christmas tree.

You are the key to my home.

You are the BBQ sauce to my ribs.

You are the moon to my stars.

You are the first thought to my day.

You are the pesto to my pasta.

You are the quiet to my night.

You are the wind to my kite.

You are the strength to my fear.

You are the ketchup to my french fries.

You are the flame to my candle.

You are the honey to my tea.

You are the key to my car.

You are the butter to my bread.

You are the caramel to my apples.

You are the sun to my summer.

You are the star to my sky.

You are the green light to my intersection.

You are the wasabi to my sushi.

You are the letters to my words.

You are the keyboard to my computer.

You are the Armani label to my ties.

My favorites:

You are the companion to my walk.

You are the comfort to my sorrow.

You are the breath to my lungs.

You are the inspiration to my mind.

You are the passion to my soul.

You are the hero to my life’s story.

You are the beat to my heart.

Create your own. Never miss an opportunity to share how you feel. Never wait. Impose no limits. Loving and being loved are the greatest gifts in life.

And though I know what “I love you” means, I get a much stronger feeling when I hear “you are the hero to my life’s story…”

Good news needs to be shared and telling someone how you feel about him or her is great news. Please share this with someone who will benefit form it – and be moved by your thoughts. More great things in how to live a great life in next week’s post. Happy Valentine’s Day.

It is a Sunday morning – you don’t have to work. Seems like a good time to stay in your pajamas, read the paper and slowly start the day. Or hit the snooze button…Slow lazy morning…

Some things in life deserve a slow start or less energy. Others require full attention, careful thought and extra effort. Here are three things you should never be lazy about:

1. Spending the time and effort to know what you are good at and passionate about. The starting point for a great life is a clear understanding of you – your gifts – your talents, strengths and passions. These give you information about what matters most to you so that you can choose wisely in all of the other decisions about your life.

2. What you should be doing for work. Just do the math and you see that most of your days and life are spent at work. Are you wise, careful and deliberate about what you choose for work? Are you good at it? Does it add value to you and your world? Does it inspire you to be your best? Do you love what you do? Do you make a difference at work?

3. Who should be in your life. Having been through my share of relationships and watching my kids over the years, we all make some bad decisions about who should be in our lives. Do those in your lives appreciate and allow you to be who you are (or are you always trying to be changed)? Do you share values, passions and interests? Are the important things in your life respected or do they have to hidden or put away to be with the other?

I was raised in a family that does not do “leisure time” well – we are a performance-focused family. I have only recently learned that taking the time to be in the moment – to stop, appreciate, respect, and connect – are all very important. There should time in our days to just be – without any particular purpose.

And then there are things in our life that require us to show up and step up – things that are so important to our happiness and wellbeing that we can’t just stand by and let them happen – we have to take ownership and make them happen.

Knowing yourself sets you up to choose wisely for you in work and life. Knowing yourself sets you up to live in an inspired, make-a-difference, and transform-the-world sort of way.

When you live in a way that allows you to regularly do what you do best, you are happier, more successful and have greater impact – for you and for all of us. You own your impact. You own your success. You own your life – at any age.

So go ahead and have that second or third cup of coffee. Enjoy the down time. Relax. But turn up the energy, focus and resolve when it comes to learning about (the real) you – so you can live the life you want, need and are inspired to live.

Good news should always be shared, and knowing yourself to choose wisely about your work and life is good news. So please share this with someone you feel can benefit from it. And contact me to learn more about greatness coaching – an expanded form of coaching that starts with self-awareness and works to help you develop the tools to learn how to create 
meaningful opportunities for a great life – at any age. More information at TheGreatnessZone.com.

My dad passed away this week. Though it has been a difficult week coming to terms with the news that someone so significant in my life will not be there to share time in the garden, at the stove and philosophizing about life, what I remember most about Dad is his wisdom of how to live a great life.

So, as my family continues to deal with his passing, I thought it would be right to share this wisdom in what I believe to be his five best life lessons:

1. Know who you are and be true to it – no matter what. You are each born with intrinsic greatness – gifts – that are unique to you. You should avidly discover and live these gifts – and be proud of what makes you, you. Learn to listen to and trust your own voice more than the voices of others. Stand for what you believe. Be courageous. And always allow others to be true to who they are.

2. Find some way of doing what you do best everyday, and work to get better at it. Build your work and life around what you are good at and passionate about. Always keep learning, studying and improving. Stay connected to what is going on in your world so you can find your best place to have your greatest impact. The world needs you to be great, not average.

3. Love each day. You don’t get this day back so treasure it. Love it. Share it. Respect it. Be really present. Live in each moment. Make memories. Accept what comes your way – don’t complain – just make the most of what you get.

4. Think more of others than yourself. Be there for others – first. Service to others matters. See what you can do to help, inspire, inform, educate or support. Find someone who needs what you do best and share it – openly, gladly and selflessly. You do your best work when you help others do their best work.

5. Make everything you touch better. Improve everything you touch; make every relationship you are part of better. Find the good everywhere; be the source of good everywhere. Be optimistic, encouraging and supportive. Don’t just talk about being better – do it. 

Dad was truly our hero. We found out he was also a hero to so many others as we heard comment after comment in our receiving line at the wake. He was a powerful force for good behind the scene – no fanfare – no headlines – no spotlight. He didn’t (just) talk about these lessons – he lived them – openly, honestly, humbly and consistently.

There are people that come into our lives who share what they know – and our lives become better because of it. They are our heroes, mentors, coaches and philosophers. They are our leaders, motivators and confidence builders. That was who my dad was.

Though he will truly be missed, we learned what he needed us to know to be ready for life. He prepared us to show up each day with purpose and passion. He prepared us to show up each day with commitment, integrity and humility. He prepared us toshow up each day – to be present – to make life an event, and change things for the better in the process. Thanks Dad. I can’t think of a greater gift in life…

Good news always needs to be shared, and learning the five best life lessons is really good news. Please share this with someone who can benefit from it. Be someone’s hero this week by what you say, how you live and who you inspire.

You look at your first cup of coffee and think this is good – but how could it be just a bit better. How about adding some ground cardamom to it – or a flavored creamer – the “and then some…”

You look at a report you are preparing for your manager – it is good, but what could make it better? How about adding an “objective” statement at the top to be sure everyone who reads your report knows its purpose and its impact – the “and then some…”

“And then some” is just my way of looking at everything to find ways to do it just a bit better. I am not alone in this thinking. Ken Blanchard, author of Raving Fans calls it the +1. SL Parker in his book and video 212° calls it one extra degree. Emeril Lagasse calls it Bam! and then adds yet more garlic, booze or something that the audience cheers for.

There are two parts to everything we do:

1. Doing what is expected - knowing what “done right” looks like and always doing it – ordinary.

2. Doing something extra – the “and then some…” – extraordinary.

Adding the “and then some” only works if you first commit to getting whatever it is you are doing right in the first place. Emeril Lagasse cooking a fabulous dish (what is expected); making enough for everyone to have some (doing the extra). Developing a complete and meaningful financial analysis at work (what is expected); educating  your teammates how to use the pivot table or sort function in Excel (doing the extra).

These events can happen in every part of our lives. Here are few more examples:

• Dinner is great but why not add the music and candles?

• Cleaning your room (because your parents asked) is good; why not fold your laundry too? (“And then some” can be done at any age.)

• Get your favorite coffee then and why not offer to pay for the coffee for the person behind you?

• Planting beautiful gardens to appreciate your yard is great, why not buy an extra flat of flowers for your elderly neighbor’s yard for her to enjoy?

• You hold the door for the person behind you – why not smile and ask how they are as well?

The only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra – that “and then some…” And, it is always our choice whether or not to do the extra. We choose to step out of the ordinary – or not.

There are opportunities everywhere to do a little more – to be a little better. And when we do, not only does another person benefit (reason alone to do it), but also we benefit. We improve the quality of the moments of our life. And a day is great when it includes many small extraordinary moments – brought on by doing and receiving the “and then somes…”

Challenge yourself to do 5 “and then some” events each day. See what changes for you – and for them. Then share your events so we all can benefit. You’ll be inspired…

All good news should be shared, and choosing to add the “and then some” to what you do in work and life is great news. Please share this with someone who can benefit from it. Contact me to learn about greatness coaching and how it can help you build an “and then some” life. More details and tools at www.TheGreatnessZone.com.